Raising a kid is hard work. Raising a trans kid in Texas is even harder. And yet I grimace when people ask me, “Why don’t you just move?” The better question is, “Why don’t you just help?”
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Yes, Texas is investigating parents of trans kids. We are two of them.
Texas DFPS has an active investigation open against my family, has already interrogated us in our home, and is now threatening to remove our kids from their loving family. The reason? We are parents of a transgender child. Here is our story:
I’m the mother of a trans son in Texas — and no, I’m not a ‘child abuser’
Texas AG Ken Paxton knows I'm not a child abuser. He's had dinner with my family and met my transgender son. But he wants CPS to get involved anyway.
5 ways you can be a better ally to trans kids
In a world that wants to tell trans kids that they're different, you have an opportunity to tell them that they're special. Here are 5 ways you can be a better ally:
Trans Children Don’t Always “Come Out,” You Know
Max, as my son is now known, has never really had to “come out” to the people in his life. He did, however, start using male pronouns and introducing himself as a boy by the time he was 6 years old, but honest to goodness he doesn’t even remember a word of the conversation we had together. Being true to himself is all he’s ever known in this family.
That viral photo of my trans son crying? Here’s what’s really going on.
Like most parents, there are plenty of days when I ask myself whether I’m a good mom. This was not one of them.
Transgender Kids are Just Kids After All
It can be hard to understand our kids sometimes, but it should never be hard to love them. Here are a few of my reflections about our journey to become a trans-inclusive family.
Texas Just Re-elected My Trans Son’s Worst Bullies
Parents of trans kids, like myself, need our neighbors to help us stand up to the GOP politicians imposing policies that would tear our families apart
The Economic Case for LGBTQ Inclusion in the (Texas) Workforce
With so much at stake for our state and local economy, it’s more critical than ever that individuals and businesses of any size take the lead to ensure that our LGBTQ colleagues, neighbors, and loved ones are protected in our community. Here are 5 things you (and your business) can do to promote inclusion in your workplace and in the Texas workforce:
Being trans doesn’t define my son – And he wants to talk about that.
It's time we stopped talking about WHAT trans kids are and focused more on WHO they are instead. That's why this #gendercool project is so important to my son, Max!
How to pass an Equality Ordinance! (Let’s do this, y’all!)
City council works for US, not the other way around! Which means that we the people want an Equality Ordinance, they'll only prioritize this if we prioritize it first.
Here's a rundown of where we're at, a glimpse at local politics that could affect this, and some solid action items for you to participate in! Share widely! #yallmeansall
LGBTQ People Need Massage Too: 4 Ways to Welcome a Diverse Clientele
As massage therapists, we are tasked to care for others and to meet our clients where they’re at, free of judgement. In this profession, we have the remarkable opportunity to work with people in very intimate, vulnerable settings, and that honor needs to be taken seriously and should be re-evaluated regularly to encourage a sense of safety, both physically and emotionally, every time a client is with us.
Ensuring that your website, language, and professional reputation in- and outside your studio reflect this will go a long way towards helping your clients feel more supported before they even pick up the phone to book their first appointment, and when they are in your studio as well.
If you’re looking for ways to welcome a more diverse clientele and show your support for the LGBTQ community, here are four important things you can do.
The Texas Attorney General Promised to Remember My Transgender Son. His Recent Actions Show He’s Forgotten
All those of us with transgender kids are asking is for politicians to stay out of our private lives and let us continue to raise our children in the most loving environments we can provide. For political leaders who care so much about privacy, that shouldn’t be too difficult.
You are not alone: Advice for parents of transgender children
For transgender and non binary youth, coming out can often feel scary, especially when they fear they won’t be supported by their family members.
Yet medical and psychological organizations across the country state definitively that loving, supporting and affirming trans and non-binary kids in their identities is the very best thing that any person can do. And we believe that parents want what is best for their children.
You are not alone. HRC Foundation’s Parents for Transgender Equality Council is here to offer some advice that can make the transition a little easier for everyone:
School policies aren’t the problem. Unsupportive parents are.
I recommend you spend less time evaluating your school district’s LGBTQ policy and spend more time evaluating your relationship with your child. Regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, does your kid know that they’ll be loved unconditionally and accepted for who they truly are? If the answer is “yes, but” then the problem isn’t with the school. The problem is with you. Full stop.
3 things your child can do to help make middle school better for my trans son
My son starts middle school next week and seems absolutely fine with it. I, however, have been in a simmering state of anxiety for the last several months as I anticipate everything that could possibly go wrong. I’m sure every parent of every first-time middle schooler feels the same, but this situation is slightly different: my son is transgender.
The awkward tension of being a public advocate for my transgender child
It’s an awkward tension I find myself in daily -- feeling a responsibility to step up for my son while also feeling a responsibility as an ally to step back so that queer voices can be heard. I regularly hear words of encouragement and gratitude from LGBTQ people (and their parents) to keep going, but I also hear valid criticism from other queer people to sit down, and I struggle to know what is the right answer in each situation since both sides seem to be right.
An open letter to trans and non-binary youth
We hope you didn’t read the religion column that the Denton Record-Chronicle published last week, where a minister forgot the calling of love. He thinks using your pronouns is “too PC,” so he’s not going to try. Like bullies often do, he tries to pass off his cruelty as humor. We hope the adults in your life don’t laugh alongside him because you are not something to be made fun of.
Dressed for the Protest
Listen in on my conversation with Dressed for the Protest as we sit at my kitchen table and talk about everything from the Texas Legislature, the politics of fear, Scarlett Johanssen and the exploitation of trans stories in Hollywood, Leaning In, and of course, transgender rights and the hope I have for my son's future.
My trans child needs you
The Trump memo on trans erasure was shocking. But don't be paralyzed with fear. Here's a list of 10 things everyone can do to make the world a little better for trans kids like my son. #WontBeErased
It’s Not Pie: Equal rights for others doesn’t mean fewer rights for you.
It’s time for Denton — and indeed our nation — to stand up for the rights of everyone, including the LGBTQ community and trans kids like my son, Max. We’ve done it before for other minority groups, and we can do it again. Anything less, quite frankly, is un-American.
My Son Is Trans. This Is How Hard It Is to Get Him Gender-Affirming Care
If Max can’t even get an inhaler refill at the same doctor he’s been seeing for years, how easy will it be for him to get access to affirming care as he gets older?
PRIDE: a mom’s reflection on raising a transgender warrior
This Pride Month, and every month, I am proud of the LGBTQ Americans who live boldly every day -- whose very existence is its own form of protest. And yet, Max and his peers don’t have political agendas -- they’re just kids, worried about the same things that your kids are worried about: whether or not they’ll get to watch one more cartoon before bed, how much money the tooth fairy is going to bring them, and if the cat is going to be okay after eating that weird bug. Somehow, though, that very act of living out loud AND being simultaneously incredibly relatable and adorable is exactly the thing that is changing the world for the better.
You lost your race. But don’t lose hope.
It was a great campaign: one that I was truly proud of. I got 560 votes -- one more than the total number of all the votes cast in the entire district when this seat was up for election last time. So before I left the house to go to my election watch party, I cried. Ugly tears. Big, fat, angry, pissed off tears of frustration and rage. I knew I was going to lose...
Love to the Max 